Acceptance of Betrayal!!!

Her hands had the sweet fragrance of freshly applied Mehndi, her lips seemed to exude calculated smile but her eyes were certainly nervous!!

Wedding Post.jpg

Image Source – Public Domain

While mostly she kept looking down (as the bride to be is expected to do) randomly she greeted all and was trying to enjoy the Mehndi and Sangeet celebration kept in honor of her wedding. In India, wedding is not just a day affair, it has prologue, the ceremony, the finale and after effects too. The celebration, traditions and the nitty – gritty vary depending on the community one belongs to and also the part of country one stays in. So, this one was scheduled to happen in Agra, UP. Uttar Pradesh is a state in northern India.  However, let me get back to the story.

I approached her and wished hearty congratulations; after all her big day was approaching!! Wedding is a life changing event!! Everything dons a new attire – your status, responsibilities and relationships to name a few. But most importantly the feeling of uniting with your love for the rest of your life is what makes the occasion eternal.

I couldn’t refrain but ask how does the guy look? Does she like him? What was their first meeting like? Is he amiable and will support her in all the decisions? Will he let her pursue her career post marriage? But considering the settings and number people we were surrounded with I just limited to one very ordinary question – Is he the Prince Charming she dreamt of?

She took a really deep breath and there was awkward silence, she couldn’t express her emotions as all her relatives were there plus the photographer but I could sense something was wrong and she was trying to conceal her anxiousness.

The very next moment she informed her mother that she is tired and heading to her room for a break. She asked me to accompany her.

As soon as we reached the room, she made sure it’s locked and the she couldn’t hold back any further, tears rolled down her rosy cheeks smudging the Kohl. She said – ‘She has not seen her groom-to-be not even his picture!! She has no idea what he looks like, how he talks or his likes or anything about his nature; Nothing, Nothing, Nothing!!!’

As a friend the least I could do was listen to her at that moment, she continued; since childhood girls always have to follow defined rules decided for her by elders and society in the family including clothes to wear, when to give her opinion, what kind of friends to go with, which places to go, what not to do, what to do etc. etc. Till this point in life she was asked to stay away from boys and suddenly today she is asked to sleep with a stranger and spend rest of her life with him!!

That was rude but sadly true. I just wished if someone would have at least asked her outlook on the thing, let her meet the guy and then decide. Is it too much to ask?

I just hugged her. I did not know what to say, I was terribly shocked and could imagine her situation. She just wanted to run away from everything but family pressure, society and blah blah.  She was extremely upset as nobody in her family could understand her dilemma.

I was thinking in my mind, this must be rarest of the cases in so called ‘Arrange Marriages’!!

If she has not met him even the guy hasn’t met her!! Wow, I could not believe it. I’m sure this is not one of the cases. Such accidents keep happening around us and we just accept it under the name of tradition.

I’m not against ‘Arrange Marriages’ but I totally believe the Bride and the Groom ought to have full say in the decision. It should be them and not just families who conclude what’s best for their kids.

 

 

 

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Categories: culture, Experience, people | Tags: , | 14 Comments

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14 thoughts on “Acceptance of Betrayal!!!

  1. The upcoming generation of our country will have to change this. Otherwise we can never call ourselves a developed person.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, we do. The moment she told me this I felt like slapping her back and ask her WHY she did not do something about it when she had time in hand? I felt so helpless that I could not do anything for her!! But I believe God also helps those who help themselves. Thanks for your feedback.

      Liked by 1 person

  2. What a tough way to begin a mariage. Sad.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, it is more like a burden!! I will never be able to understand ‘Arrange Marriages’. In India, they are very prominent and when it comes to comparison with ‘Love Marriages’, people are like historically Arranges ones last long!! Well, that is because since ages, Arrange Marriages have only been the way; Love Marriages are fairly new concept (lot of people look at it as a Taboo!!)

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I m so shocked that such norms still exist in a world that is rapidly changing. Customs need to evolve with time.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Yes, sadly they do. I feel so disgusted at their narrow mindedness. I will give you a little example from past – I married my soulmate 5 years back (after being in relationship for around 6 years), when my paternal relatives came to know about “my Love Marriage” they were furious and warned my father that they will sever relations for life and will not be part of such wedding!!! Idiots!! Ultimately they were not part of the celebrations. Thankfully my parents were very supportive 🙂

      Liked by 1 person

      • Exactly !
        While marriage is the ultimatum of love, I don’t understand why people differentiate between love and arranged marriages. In your case, Its good that your parents understood and were supportive. But your friend’s case is pathetic..i just hope things will change for her.

        Liked by 1 person

  4. and… finally…? did you see the groom? is there a temporary ending?

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    • No…I could not have a conversation with him….Indian arrange marriage set ups (typically the orthodox ones) don’t allow honest discussions with the groom or his family. The bride’s family is supposed to adhere to all demands and bear the cost also. Things are changing though.

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  5. Gosh that is shocking to a westerner whose culture abandoned formal arranged marriages some while ago. I feel for this girl and can only hope that her fears are replaced by smiles when she does meet her groom but for now she feels to my sensibilities like a young animal to the slaughter …..

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  6. totally agree – this is abuse… A very well educated Indian girl that I knew grew up here in New Zealand, and was totally a New Zealander in her outlook and attitudes – but her parents forced her to accompany them back to India to find a husband. The last we heard of her she was in some small village where no-one spoke English and so unhappy… I just pray she is ok.

    Liked by 1 person

  7. That’s all even I could do – Pray!! Ahh! That moment we looked at each other blankly!! Because of family pressure girls sacrifice their whole Life, I’ll never be able to understand the logic. After all this, parents expect her to be happily married. Well, what other choice is she left of? If things do not work out, she will be forced to make it work or have kids, in India divorce raises eyebrows!!

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  8. The title and the first few lines just took my heart away. So precisely expressed. That’s the sad part of traditions in many parts of our country. Even am not at all against Arranged Marriage but then I totally agree that the two personalities who eventually are going to stay together for their entire lives should atleast get a chance to know each other and have their say.

    Liked by 1 person

  9. You have written about an issue that needs to be debated. Well I am not against all types of arranged marriages but I do not support the wall that parents build between the bride and groom. A woman has right to know about the person she is going to marry. Not allowing them to understand each other before marriage only complicates the marriage and ruins the woman’s life.

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