What doesn’t kill you, makes you STRONGER!!!

I have been down and away for far too long, to be precise, over a year. My blog deserves this post and this post is dedicated to the most unpredictable year I had.

“Life is unpredictable!” Yes, we all know that, but I never resonated with this quote until the biggest shock of my Life swept me away in February 2019.

Let me take you back to November 2018, I was so regular for my run that I surprised myself on several occasions. I got hooked on to running as it just liberated me and made me feel much more confident and positive about Life. And yes, helped me to keep away from depression (induced by unexplained weight gain post partum).

I couldn’t believe I could run 10K straight, provided I never was the athlete type. On an average I was able to do 10K+ and maintained a good pace. This was the time I thought I’m ready for my first Marathon. However, destiny had something else in store for me.

On 20th November 2018, I rolled over my ankle while warm up, there was no pain but yes some popping sound. I ignored it. I was back to my routine on the very next day; I ran, ran and ran for three days. On the evening of third day, my left ankle was swollen beyond recognition. Just when I thought my ‘Life’ was getting back on track, I was pulled out of my dream world. For the first few days I assumed it was just another sprain. So I rested, put a bandage and did countless ice-pack sessions. But things did not get better.

I had the first doubt that this is not just any ankle sprain because in last three years I survived lot of injuries and most of them healed in ten, at most 15 days.

To make things more complicated, my younger brother’s wedding was approaching, just a month away. It was planned for January 2019. Now, I knew that if I began treatment, rehabilitation and recovery is going to take lot of time and I might not be able to participate in my only brother’s wedding. With the upcoming wedding of my younger brother, I just couldn’t fathom how I could begin the treatment and this probably was my first mistake. I attended all the events just as normal. I was beyond happy for my brother, he got hitched to his childhood sweetheart
(Literally! They have been together since IX standard).

I did not want everybody’s attention on my injured ankle rather than the wedding. And In India, weddings are a big deal (Haldi, Mehendi, Engagement, Wedding, Post Wedding rituals…). Since, my brother’s soul mate is a Malayam Brahmin, there were two weddings planned, one as per South Indian rituals and other as per North Indian customs. All the events were amazing and filled with moments to be cherished forever.

Now, I decided to participate in the wedding wholeheartedly and go to the doctor first thing when I’m back in Delhi. I ignored the constant pain and swelling for over two months.

As soon as I was back in February 2019, I went to the specialist, he was shocked that how I managed to even walk, and according to him my ankle was broken. At this point, my mind was telling my heart – ‘See, I told you there’s something gravely wrong!’

My heart sank. The only answer to all the doubts was Magnetic Resonance Imaging (MRI). My first MRI was scheduled for February 26, 2019, following day I had the report in my hand and my worst fears came true!

This is exactly what the report said – MRI findings reveal chronic high grade partial thickness tear of Anterior Talofibular Ligament with partial thickness tear of the Posterior Talofibular Ligament at its talar attachment and chronic sprain in the Calcaneofibular Ligament.

Two ganglion cysts have also developed measuring 10*4.3 mm in the posterior tibiotalar attachment.

And there were other serious issues mentioned as well like edema and attenuation at various places. It took me a while to actually believe it’s my report and things are critical. Fortunately, the tear was partial though Grade II, so there were hopes to recover through conservative methodology. Doctors ruled out surgery as ankle is a super delicate joint and it could have worsened the situation.

Anybody who has encountered a situation even remotely similar to this would know that ligaments connect bone to bone and without them moving is an uphill task. Moreover, bones heals faster but ligaments take more than six weeks to just begin healing. And even after that, it takes months, sometimes years to gain full strength and flexibility. And I had three tears.

At this moment, more than the ankle, my heart was blue, bruised and swollen 😦 I was devastated, not just because I couldn’t walk then but I didn’t know whether I will be able to walk normally ever again.

Since I already lost the critical time for immobilization, doctor decided to give me Platelet Rich Plasma (PRP) injection and put a plaster cast for 6 weeks, followed by bed rest for another 2 weeks. And countless weeks of walking with support of crutches and wheelchair.

Those were one of the most difficult times of my Life; I couldn’t even go to the washroom unassisted and was dependent on others for most part of my day. My family’s continued support held me together. My little one’s care and understanding is beyond explanation. When I had the plaster on, he was just 3.5 yet the most settled and co-operating soul.

I will write about struggles to stand and walk on two feet again in another post. It was an incredible feeling to be able to feel the other leg again!!

Since February 2019 (actually November 2018), my Life has never been same again. Lately in September 2019, I had a follow-up MRI, and ligaments have still not healed. I still cannot walk without the fear of aggravating my ankle joint. But, I’m thankful that at least I’m able to walk.

I have never given up for sure though it crossed my mind on few occasions. It’s been extremely challenging but I have never stopped trying to get my life back together. I have recently begun to look up to sunshine.

Categories: Life | Tags: , , , , , , , | 32 Comments

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32 thoughts on “What doesn’t kill you, makes you STRONGER!!!

  1. Great story about how love for your brother made you ignore your pain!

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  2. Your beautiful spirit has been missed here on WordPress. I can only imagine all you’ve gone through. My thoughts are with you for healing and happiness. Take care, suzanne ❤️

    Liked by 1 person

    • Thank you so much for your blessings, Suzanne!
      I have written a post after almost a year. I missed writing but my mind was battling with depression and negativity. Your message makes me smile. Thanks again.

      Liked by 1 person

  3. I pray that you’ll continue to recover well. Take care.

    Liked by 1 person

  4. Bhavana Madbhavi

    Never give up!! Wishing you speedy recovery and god bless you with strength and happiness all way!

    Liked by 1 person

  5. This is a lovely piece. More power to you! Keep shining 💜

    Liked by 1 person

  6. Well I “liked” for your recovery, as slow as it has been, and will be for a while longer, but what a long year it has been for you. I did wonder where you’d been — no adventures in a while? I hope you have a full recovery, not only for your newfound joy of running, but also your love of traveling as well. I can’t believe how big your little boy has gotten since the last time you posted … I remember you were at a beach and he was playing at/near the water and he was just so young then. I remember the picture as your husband was wearing a shirt with a maple leaf and I remarked I was Canadian. It is rough indeed as you have discovered running. As an avid walker, I am constantly mindful of doing anything that will impede walking going forward – a blister, walking too long on a beautiful Fall day and causing shin splints … and this was such a small ankle roll and look what happened. My mom had ganglion cysts on her fingers – very painful. Well you have my sympathies and I love how your little boy was taking care of you – he was loving it, including decorating your cast. When you are healed up, a fellow blogger who is a marathon runner, as is her husband, took a trip to Spain last month. They spent a week of vacation on a walking tour of the countryside – you walk along with people from other countries and your sole purpose is to walk, no phones out, just walking, mediating, thinking deep thoughts and then at the end of the day you either camp out or take the easier way (which Laurie did and I would too) and you are taken to a hotel. They have a light backpack during the day to carry water or snacks. Dream on this trip one day – actually they run all the time and said it took some time getting adjusted to walking, but they got the miles in every day. Take care: https://meditationsinmotion.wordpress.com/2019/10/06/first-we-walked-then-we-played

    Liked by 1 person

    • Your kind words have made me kinda emotional. It’s a blessing to have a fellow blogger like you.
      During this one year, my Life was restricted to walls of my home barring hospital trips. One thing that irked me all the time was how dependent I was on others for every little thing. There have been times where I would sit alone in the room and just cry and cry and cry! The battle was more mental than physical I believe. Especially because I already had a tough tine shedding pregnancy weight. Aayansh, my little boy was phenomenal in helping me to never let go of the hope and patience. Even when the cast was taken off, it took me a month to just stand without wobbling. But things are definitely better now. Sorry your Mother has to endure that pain too.
      I can’t believe you remember so much from my last posts about beach vacation 🙂. Thank you for sharing such positive thoughts about Laurie, it gives me strength. Hopefully I would walk again pain-free!

      Liked by 1 person

      • It is a blessing to have you as a friend and fellow blogger too – blogging makes the miles just fall away, and that is one of the wonderful things about being a blogger. A trip like the Camino Walk is rigorous and I could not do it, but it is fun to dream about, and Laurie and Bill only walked one portion of it; imagine walking the whole walk. I am following a story in the news about a guy who is originally from here in Michigan and now lives in California. He is a singer (Mike Posner) and he is walking across the United States, from shore to shore, and he averages about 25-30 miles per day, depending on the terrain. He had to stop the walk for two weeks a few months ago after being bitten by a baby rattlesnake on his foot in Colorado … but he rallied back, after a hospital stay, then was recuperating at a friend’s house. He built up his miles slowly and is back to his previous amount of miles walked per day.
        He hopes to swim in the Pacific Ocean by year end. I hope it is all uphill for you by now …, having watched my mom with her orthopedic pain for years (42 operations in all in her lifetime), I know it is painful and has been frustrating too, and yes, as you say, mental as well as physical. Take care and keep us advised of your progress, okay?

        Liked by 1 person

      • Absolutely….what appeals me about blogging is how it makes one feel there are no distances whatsoever and find like-minded individuals. I read Laurie’s post about the Camino walk…it would definitely be a dream come true. Honestly, even being able to travel to such destinations and explore the world will bring back the lost zing in my life.
        I have never focused on walk so much before but now I value it so much more. I mean walking used to be such a routine thing that it never required deliberate effort. Things are different now.
        It’s interesting how one can find inspiration from across the world and blogging platform makes it much easier.
        I can’t imagine what your Mum has to go through. Is it as a result of some other ailment? More strength to her.
        I will be more than happy to share even slightest improvement in my condition.
        So, do you have plans to go back to Canada?

        Liked by 1 person

      • I have thought often of going back to Canada though I have no relatives at all – not there or here either for that matter – it is just me.

        My Mum was a very strong person Charu.
        I am sorry as I should have said she passed away in January 2010. I apologize that I did not clarify that – it is still difficult for me as we were very close and it was just the two of us. I will send you this link I wrote about my mom earlier this year for Mother’s Day so you can see her picture and read a little about her life when you get a chance. She had a life filled with pain and heartache and then had a perforated bowel and died very suddenly of sepsis. It was a shock because she had a pain in her side, and then she was gone 24 hours later. Very scary and sad.
        https://lindaschaubblog.net/2019/05/12/mom-n-me/

        The Camino walk appealed to me too – a place in which to walk with like-minded folks and do some soul searching at the same time. I have a few fellow bloggers that are Canadian and a good friend who still lives there. I think it is “telling” that neither my mom, nor I ever became Americans. You would not believe what I go through every time I must renew my green card – it is actually humiliating, especially since I’ve lived in the same home since 1966 and never been in trouble. But it was not always that way, just since 911. There are lots of changes in my City, changes that I am not so happy with … crime especially. I know there is crime everywhere, but it does not make me happy with all the crime. I never go out at night or in the dark anyway, so just deal with it. It is a big transition though money wise and much effort to make that move back to my homeland, but I do think about it a lot lately.

        Please do keep us/me posted how you are are doing with your condition – I have a fellow blogger who is from India and studying for one year at Harvard. Her husband is a medical doctor and she has a medical degree but to progress further, she needed schooling at a western university. She wanted to take a special course for many years and so she is here on her own (husband has stayed home and she has a grown daughter). Susie is learning about American customs, and already dreading the cold of Winter. She has never been through cold, snow and all of the not fun things that Winter will be. I keep telling her to get lots of layers and she will be in for a big surprise, that’s for sure.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m extremely sorry about your Mother. Your message made me quite emotional. Sometimes it’s just so difficult to fathom reality. You’re so inspiring and strong, your messages have actually given me so much of positivity that i read them twice!
        Things are not same in the States as they were before I believe. I have few friends who are yearning to cone back to India. However, I have only heard amazing things about Canada so much so that it makes me want to relocate too !!! Except for the weather part, Canada is something I really look forward to.
        I hope things improve for you and someday I get to meet you if destiny permits 🙂 Take care.

        Liked by 1 person

      • I’m sorry to make you emotional over my mom – she did have a hard life and that’s why I sent you the link to what I posted on Mother’s Day. I had never spoken about my father in my blog before and that was why … she did not need any more things happening to her. She was very stoic always … I think of her every day and her presence is in this house. I would like to return to Canada if at all possible. I wish we had not moved here –
        my mom missed her mother very much after moving here to the States and my father said we would move back after ten years – that never happened. It is my dream as well … you never know what destiny has in mind for us. Take care and heal up.

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    • One more thing thanks for sharing the link to this wonderful blog.

      Liked by 1 person

      • You’re so welcome – I wanted to give you some inspiration. I also want to add that Laurie and her husband have been running for years – they are training for a big marathon that is coming up. But Laurie injured a hamstring a few years ago and sought doctor’s consults, did physical therapy and was convinced she would not be able to run like she did before. Someone put her in touch with another doctor who advised a different way of doing exercises, stretches, etc. to relieve the pain- it worked and this was just in the last year since I have been following her blog – she is up to running just as many miles as before. Her husband retired the end of December 2018 so they have been running together and traveling a lot as well to visit their grandchildren who live in Colorado and Oregon – a perfect life. Laurie is 63, the same age as me … you are younger and you will rally back too, good as new. 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Wow! You’re are certainly rocking at that age! I’m so grateful to be connected to you. I’m totally moved to see how you have shared so many stories of other fellow bloggers to inspire me. A big thank you. And all the heart felt words you have written have made their impact too 🙂

        Liked by 1 person

      • Thank you! I am happy to share stories with you and also grateful to be connected to you as well. I have been chatting in blog comments with Laurie since following her and she was worried she could not run again … it turned out the exercises were all wrong and as soon as she changed how she ran and did other exercises at home, it made all the difference in the world. I wanted to inspire you so that you know that you will recuperate from this and you are young and will forge ahead with running and enjoy it –
        this injury will not hobble you forever. I am sure if you ever want to reach out to her, she’ll be happy to give you more inspiration with running as well. She is getting ready for this big marathon and running with friends (and her husband). I believe the friend is 78 years old and he cannot run the entire way, so they are walking part of it alongside him. Isn’t that nice? So she is getting a lot of walking miles in to be able to do this.

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  7. Thank you for sharing this journey, which has been a different and most challenging in your life for you. I am sure you have by now developed a different strength, yet over all what left me with a great impression are your last words in your post ” I have recently begun to look up to sunshine”…. that is already a healing of your mind!! Keep going.

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Cornelia,
      So long …..I haven’t been able to travel at all for a year. It’s been a real challenge to just be. I couldn’t put my mind to anything. But yes, lately I have been feeling positive and trying to handle things practically keeping emotions aside. Thank you for such kind words.
      Hey, I checked your website congrats on exploring new genre of photography covering subjects such as wedding etc. Take care.

      Liked by 1 person

  8. Oh my goodness how extremely challenging. I don’t even understand how you were walking on a broken ankle! The pain must have been excruciating. Sorry to read you have been though such very hard times. I so feel for you. Your little one is adorable and I’m so pleased to read that things are starting to improve. To continued progress and hopefully pain free.

    Peta

    Liked by 1 person

    • Hi Peta,
      Thank you so much for such kind and positive message. Honestly, I didn’t realize the injury will aggravate to such level. The pain and swelling were terrible. Thanks to Almighty for blessing me with supportive family. Hopefully in next six months i shall be able to walk pain free.

      Like

  9. I hope to read your story of walking the Camino one day! You have a lot of inner strength.

    Liked by 1 person

  10. So sorry to hear of your troubles. May things continue to improve for you and it is lovely to have you back 😊

    Liked by 1 person

  11. Have been missing your post for sometime and this explains a lot. More power to you to ride over this injury. I am sure you will come out stronger and healthier. Cheers!

    Liked by 1 person

    • That is true! That is also the reason why I decided and pushed myself to write this post….i have always shared love for travel and now that i cannot do much mentally also I feel restricted. Thank you so much for your blessings.

      Liked by 1 person

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